I thought I liked you last term, but over winter break, I ran into the guy that I liked all throughout high school a few times, and that made me remember how much I liked him. Idolized him. How infatuated I was with everything about him, how much I admired everything he did. How I still can’t talk to him or even meet his eyes. Maybe that’s how strong the average high school crush feels, but it was real to me. Real from the moment I first met his eyes. Maybe the love/like thing in the real world isn’t quite that strong, that all-consuming. What I felt for you was more grounded, more realistic, less all-consuming—all of which meant that I retained my sense of self in it, which I couldn’t do with him. I’m afraid I would have done anything for him. But I feel like it wasn’t quite right with you either, like we didn’t quite match. You say I make you happy. I say that I see you talking to other girls, and you guys laugh at more American cultural references, cultural inside jokes, maybe, things that I don’t understand and that don’t click with me. And I hope you find a girl that clicks like that with you, and that you know that you deserve to be happy with her.
This is how I’m rationalizing all of it.